She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
