I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
how drunk are you?
Several
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
