she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
