that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
