Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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