Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We are all done wearing pants today
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
