Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We don't watch enough power rangers
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
