you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
