if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize