she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
