I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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