I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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