I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
