I didn't shave. On purpose
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
