How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
