When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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