i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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