I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
