I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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