seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
