she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
