Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
