we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
