You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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