Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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