I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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