Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
