mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
