I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
