i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
