so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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