I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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