first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
