Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
