I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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