nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
