I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
