tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
