Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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