Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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