Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
