Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize