Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
