It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
