I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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