The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
