You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize