Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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