a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
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