Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
