Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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