Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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