im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
