I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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