yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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