you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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