I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
