Your face is a jimmy john
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize