I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize