We named our party play list daddy issues
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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