he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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