He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize