who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
