I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
