just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
