After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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