last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
