when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
