i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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