I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
