Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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