Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
